Lovely Little Lady

… Sort of sketches. I think I might try out some of my own sometime soon.

Snatched from EatSleepDraw:

Under normal circumstances I would be posting sumptuous, even drool-worthy pictures of all of the really sexy food that we dine on here in Salem, Oregon.. But my first sighting, this evening at 9:23, of the new KFC “Double Down” sandwich—was so beyond disgusting that I not only vommed in my mouth (for reals, this shit induced a gag reflex) but I think maybe I even had a slight heart palpitation.. Just from looking at it.

Can I sue? Probably not but someone straight up SHOULD. The calorie content is surprisingly underwhelming, only 540. But don’t worry your little head because Mister Sodium has a bit of a Napoleon Complex: 1,380 milligrams. They also have a grilled version, which one would think may be slightly healthier because it isn’t covered in what might as well be saw dust and then pan fried in mass amounts of animal fat, leaving you with nothing but the succulently-sodium-pumped and over-processed chicken breast*.. Oh no, it’s actually worse (there are hardly any useful adjectives that can accurately depict this cardiac-arrest-in-a-box), equating to 1,430 miligrams of sodium, which is over half of the FDA recommended daily intake—but let’s be honest the FDA’s Recommended Daily Intake regulations are a little backwards. Trust no one!

My apologies for coming off as such a filthy-little-unshaven-vegan-system-loathing-college-student… Except not really. Because I would like to know the name of this KFC Executive who thought it was even remotely acceptable to offer this as a viable source of sustenance. You Sir, (sorry but it was probably a man), are exactly the kind of person I find to be absolutely heinous—you, your sandwich, and all of your friends make me sick. You used your state school education**, graduated with your Communications Major***, and are now making bank thanks to your white-ass patriarchal suckling frat bros**** to get you this big boy position at KFC so that you can slowly KILL PEOPLE. The only thing you learned from your Marketing 101 course is that peeps totally like <3 this shit, and will tweet the sh!t out of it, text about tht sht 4 dayz, and hell maybe just maybe even try it! And you’ll make money off of the most ridiculous food item (if you can call it that?) to ever appear on the modern fast-food menu.

On top of that you’re completely ruining what has become the constructed social space for fast food. What I mean by this, listen closely because it might be difficult to wrap your brain around, but fast food is quick, cheap, and convenient—it’s a source of sustenance that is readily available to those who can’t afford to buy fresh and organic or just plain HEALTHY food. You, Mister Executive, make people think that this “sandwich” will keep them full for a longer period of time because what they know about food is that protein = good. It will hold them over longer if that’s something that they have to worry about. Well guess what, your stupid idea is killing these individuals because all you’re doing is stuffing them with sodium that will block their arteries in a matter of days, bites perhaps. YOU’RE RUINING A SOCIAL SPACE FOR THESE PEOPLE AND YOU MAKE ME SO ANGRY. There’s a reason we’re having a green revolution and it DID hit restaurants and fast food chains—you must’ve missed the memo, asshole.

Though I understand there are certainly worse menu items in terms of calorie and fat content than the Double Down, it’s the fact that someone actually decided that it was OKIE-&%@$!-DOKIE to replace two pieces of relatively unharmed bread***** with fried chicken?!

OH I GET IT: it’s because KFC = Kentucky Fried Chicken. So do you like put fried chicken in everything? ZOMG!!!!11 That would be hilarious! Double Down Executives: I deem you the most absurd pop culture phenomena since Lady Gaga******.

*Rude awakening if you actually think that is real chicken breast: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJey_C6GL0k&feature=related

**Not bashing state schools here, just some of the individuals they produce.

***Not hating on Communications Majors either, it’s just beyond likely that this is the Major that the KFC Execs graduated with..

****Hmmm. See **, otherwise there are few redeemable qualities having to do with patriarchally marinated frat bros.

*****I cringe saying that but it is only a little over-processed white bread! This is nothing compared to two slabs of chicken, pre-cooked bacon, some sort of “cheese” that is probably atomically closer to plastic, and a little nuclear-orange-secret-sauce to top it all off.

******But she still wins because she doesn’t kill people she just pretends to hang herself and bleed out onstage at the VMAs.

The end.

There I said it. And perhaps not more reluctantly so. Coffee and I have had a long and rather exclusive affair, but I’ve recently decided that Tea is infinitely better as we have been seeing each other more often. Tea has always been a part of my life, but was really only a post breakfast compliment or the occasional soothing midnight touch. I’ve always known that I could do better than coffee and that too much indulgence could potentially send me over the edge… But being from Seattle, everyone has their own version of Coffee. Quite frankly I’m fed up with the mood swings, crashes, and insane thirst that Coffee almost always makes me feel.

With tea, green tea in particular, I feel a sort of cleansed and awakened energy. Calm yet attentive, soothed and passionate. Though it took some time to rid Coffee from my system and get used to waking up to Tea in the morning—Tea is no rebound. Especially when I get to spend time with my favorite brand, Yogi, who whispers lusciously sweet nothings into my ears..

When I’m back in Seattle it will prove difficult to avoid the occasional soirée with my old flame.. Can you blame me? He tastes so nice with a bit of chocolate.

Quite frankly I’m not too sure how I feel about the return of flares. One thing I do know: it scares me. Just a little bit. Flares bring me back to the days of girls in junior high wearing what should have been named the “Saggy-I-Don’t-Actually-Have-an-Ass” fit flared jeans from American Eagle. Style.com recently posted an article all about the returned flared fit:

http://www.style.com/stylefile/2010/04/the-flare-essentials/ .

(Sorry I don’t know how to make cool inserted html’s yet…)

And I think Style.com has some great examples of how flares should be worn. But what I’ve discovered is that my preference tends to lean toward flares worn as pants. Not jeans. Why? In westernized contemporary wear, jeans are the casual, every single [expletive] day essential, yet no one can seem to master the right look for their bodies! Just because it’s “fashionable” or “in” (VOM) does not mean that you should wear it! (Duh??!) I have like 3 pairs of jeans, all high-waisted and skinny, but I tend to wear dresses or skirts as a daily staple. But for a basic and affordable flare jean it’s going to be difficult to find one that doesn’t look really [expletive] dumpy. Seriously! It’s hard to do this shit the right way! Your jeans will hit the ground and get dirty and disgusting ( I live in the Northwest, so long jeans + rain = sopping wet and ripped hem not cute jeans EVERYWHERE), which is a huge peeve of mine..

At least for the PNW it just worries me that a style is returning, or rather being reinforced, that is generally unattractive because somehow people cannot manage to find or be fitted in correctly sized jeans.

These are beautiful, great for work but one could also tone it down with a neutral khaki jacket or blouse as the Behnaz Sarafpour model wears below. The pants are classic, clean, and reflect the 70s without the raging ambivalence.

Though she’s definitely wearing these “right”, I’m just not into the whole looks. Messy? Maybe I’m just being cynical today.

If all flares were designed by Chloé and were monetarily accessible, this would be an entirely different post/opinion. Or it just wouldn’t have happened. These are incredible.

As I said previously, not terribly into the jean look—but Hanneli Mustaparta is a great example of how I believe it should be done. I think a high-waisted/belted rise really polishes off the entire purpose of flares: they make your legs look like they go up to your ears, amongst other things like a perfect silhouette and a flat stomach. It’s beautiful really, but like most elements of fashion, must be approached with caution.